An Ode to Vanner

Hello again everyone! Wow, it's been probably too long since I last posted...but my time here is quickly running out and I'm trying hard to focus on really making my time count instead of being quite as diligent on keeping in touch. Hope you can forgive me. I'll be home soon enough with TONS of stories to tell. This last week and a half have been...incredible. Seriously, every single day here is different...a new adventure with another story to tell, even if it's a story of an overwhelming wave of sickness that through the power of the priesthood is healed. Those memories are just as important to me as the ones of the small town I visited, or the baby goat I held, and the sweet old women who kissed and overfed me. And I'm only going to keep racking up the stories, as this week I'm off to Moldova! But before that I get to spend more time with some of the most wonderful little kids in the world, and see some beautiful monasteries. And after that? Oh boy, then I get to spend an entire week between the capitol of Romania, as well as a city filled with mountains and waterfalls and relaxation for six tired girls. I get to go HIKING! The only downfall to all of that is that I will miss 5 whole days with the kids. I'm trying hard not to think about how soon I will have to leave them, that will be yet another trying experience. I spent 2o minutes today having my hair brushed by a lego as I held the hand of a tiny toddler trying to walk and sang to the boy in the wheelchair who was holding my other hand while my co workers chuckled at the funny American girl. How could I not be in heaven? And yes that was a run-on sentence I know. Meh.

And you know what else? I know I've only been here for a few months, and that I don't live a life hardly at all like what the missionaries do, but I really do feel like I understand why they act so funny when they come home! The idea of returning to normal life again, just weirds me out. Where not much has drastically changed in a few short months, and yet, I have changed. Maybe not drastically, but enough to make going home feel a bit strange. Anyway, I'm rambling once again, it seems to be a talent of mine that certainly hasn't left me.

So there's the short (that always turns... not so short) update on my life for you!
As for the rest of the post, I started this post a while ago and am only just now finishing it. It is, my friends, an ode to one of the best vehicles to have ever existed.


This is for you Vanner, you may be the only '87 Toyota Van who ever had an 18 year old girl cry over you as she said goodbye. You will forever be a part of my childhood, and I will always think of you as I see others all over the world....

Good to know you can find vans like this in Romania too! I know that my family and friends will agree that Vanner held a lot of good memories and I can't help but smile every time I see one.

Vanner and I, we had some seriously good times....

So, there's my "Ode to Vanner." Feel free to leave comments on your memories etc. Those would be fun for me...and feel free to update your blogs or write me because I still love any news from home! Until next time (which might be a couple weeks) hope you're all well.

Va iubesc!

Finally a little more like...me.

Primavera frumoasa!

Primavera frumoasa is the first day of spring, which we celebrated on Monday here in Romania. The fresh market was jam packed that morning as we went with so many others in the city to get flowers for special people. The flowers were beautiful and the feeling in the air was so...springy! Which just happens to be one of my favorite times of the year. This week was also the week building up to the big day, March 8th which is Ziua Femeii (Women's Day) and it's really the Romanian equivalent of Mother's Day here. Those flowers above are the culmination of all of the flowers given to each of us girls and every woman in the branch today. We (the girls here) also gave our own little gift by singing "E Ziua de Mamico" for all the branch members. :) It's a fun little mother's song, feel free to have a listen to this poppy version if you'd like!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xsueWarCmg

Needless to say it was a wonderful day at the branch!
As for the rest of this week....well I did a lot of this...

Yup, I fell asleep at a church activity...toilet paper and all. I also did PLENTY of this...

Yes, I did in fact get hit hard this week with something bad. It all started on Monday with a scratchy throat and has gone in a bell curve that I'm still definitely in. Wednesday was the peak, and I missed two days of work at Section 2 (which bothered me more than any nose blowing or coughing). Wednesday was pretty horrible, I was completely out of commission. What did I do that day? I watched three movies, slept, and took a very hot bath. I'm thinking the sickness came from a number of things.
1- stress
2-the sudden change in the weather. It's been beautiful and warm for weeks and then that all changed in a flash!
3- sickly children
4- stress.
Since my "recovery" and return to work on Friday, things have been a slow uphill incline. I did get to go out yesterday for some yummy Romanian food!

...Ha apparently Abby didn't think it was so yummy. That same night we huddled close together to withstand the cold while waiting for a tram Saturday night at 10:00 pm :). Man it was COLD!


So...I've sat and debated what to write for this week's post a lot...and had some misgivings as to what I should actually put down. I don't want to pour all of my heart, soul, and personal experiences onto here because, well, those are personal for a reason and this is the internet. That being said, I feel it's important to share how I really am with my close family and friends who read this, and I'm also eager to share my thoughts and growing experiences. It's tough to find the middle ground. But my sister Lisa recently posted something that was more than just the "we went and did this..." and I've read it many times, grateful for the chance to hear a little more intimately how she's feeling at this stage in her life. I loved it sis :) and I've chosen to follow her lead (which has never taken me in a wrong direction yet...don't even get me started on how blessed I am to be the youngest in my family). So with that introduction, consider yourselves warned, and be prepared for a lot of feelings!

For some time now, I've had a tiny identity crisis building inside of me. That all came to a head this past week, especially when the sickness hit because when I feel weak and sick, I feel it in every aspect. For weeks I've felt frustrated with what my role is here. The things I'm known for at home, those things that make me me seem to be different or at least feel different here. Am I here to serve the kids I work with? Yes! Yet every day I struggle as I witness their trials and attempt to make any difference I possibly can for them. In the end I recognize that it's more what they do for me than what I can do for them that will make the largest difference. Yet, the fact that I feel so helpless, lacking in the skills and the permission to truly make a notable difference in their lives has weighed down upon me more than I ever thought it would. Each day is different, I never know what to expect and neither do they. One day I'll have time to play and cuddle and teach. The next I hardly can get two minutes of quality time with any of them. The things I've seen, the heartbreak I've felt as I've been forced to look away as they cry and struggle with their own loneliness has left an imprint on me like nothing ever has before. I do my very best, but so often I don't feel like it's even close to enough, and that has caused a lot of frustration. I have no doubt that the stress I've felt from my constant struggle at work was a major factor in my crash in health this week.

Am I here to learn and grow from my roommates and the friends I'm making here? Yes! But this also has added to my small identity crisis, because in my constant focus to see the good in others I suppose I haven't done so well at finding it in myself as well. It's very easy for me to see only my faults. And I suppose I've struggled with feeling unique, feeling like I have something truly my own to offer others... which sad to say may be tied to my pride. I know it sounds crazy! But I'm just trying to put into words the things that I've recently realized have been weighing me down. Constantly working to bridge gaps and accommodate differences seems to have tired me out a bit and maybe even suppressed my true self (which is my own fault, I know).

So, overall I guess I've missed the things that make me ME, because I've felt very disconnected from myself if that makes any sense at all. On Friday night I finally snapped out of this weird mind set I've been in, and reconnected with ME and I've felt so happy ever since. What happened Friday night you ask? I stayed home while the rest of the group went to see Alice and Wonderland at the mall. It was the first time I'd ever been alone in the apartment, and apparently it was exactly what I needed to "find myself" again. I spent two glorious hours cleaning the kitchen while singing to my show tunes, followed by homework and Julie Andrews :)

Yes, I did in fact watch "The Sound of Music" all by myself, and it was the perfect thing to pull me back together. Just look at her! I completely lost myself in the movie. I laughed, cried, and sang along and loved every minute of it. Cheesy? YES! But it made me so incredibly happy. I finally felt like ME again.

Now I'm no Julie Andrews (not even close), that is NOT my real hair, and I have yet to visit the Alps...but I feel very content to be me, here having my own little European experience. It's obvious that I'm happiest when I'm being myself, with the people I love...
And doing the things I love...

Yet, it seems I need to learn how to be that happy even when all that is so far away. There are no campfires in Iasi, only cigarette smoke. And those that I love and who give me strength are so far away. It's easy to be an optimist when life is a breeze...can I call myself a true optimist when things are different? That is the question, and I feel as though I can now say, 100%, YES!

The challenges of life are such a blessing, I feel so grateful for all that I'm learning here, even if it's the fact that I'm re-learning how to be myself. Being here in Romania gives me daily opportunities to be completely out of my element, to challenge my strength of character in so many ways. I made one of my favorite purchases yet the other day...4 lei (the equivalent of about $1.20)...and the cutest little thing I ever did see. It's a book of poetry by Anne Bronte, and it's about two inches tall...in other words heaven for me. In it I found a poem, that I've read so many times now. It may just be my favorite ever...I can't help but share it with you all and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) And yes, it's long but definitely worth it!

Oh, Youth may listen patiently,

While sad Experience tells her tale;

But doubt sits smiling in his eye,

For ardent Hope will still prevail!

He hears how feeble Pleasure dies,

By guilt destroyed, and pain and woe;

He turns to Hope and- she replies,

‘Believe it not- it is not so!’

‘Oh, heed her not!” Experience says,

‘For thus she whispered once to me;

She told me, in my youthful days,

How glorious manhood’s prime would be.

When in the time of early Spring,

Too chill the winds that o’er me pass’d,

She said, each coming day would bring

A fairer heaven, a gentler blast.

And when the sun too seldom beamed,

The sky, o’ercast, too darkly frowned,

The soaking rain too constant streamed,

And mists too dreary gathered round;

‘She told me Summer’s glorious ray

Would chase those vapours all away,

And scatter glories round.

With sweetest music fill the trees,

Load with rich scent the gentle breeze,

And strew with flowers on the ground.

But when, beneath that scorching ray,

I languished, weary, through the day,

While birds refused to sing,

Verdure decayed from field and tree,

And panting Nature mourned with me

The freshness of the Spring.

“Wait but a little while,” she said,

“Till Summer’s burning days are fled;

And Autumn shall restore,

With golden riches of her own,

And Summer’s glories mellowed down,

The freshness you deplore.”

And long I waited, but in vain;

That freshness never came again,

Though Summer passed away,

Though Autumn’s mists hung cold and chill,

And drooping nature languished still,

And sank into decay.

Till wintry blasts foreboding blew

Through leafless trees and- then I knew

That Hope was all a dream.

But thus, fond youth, she cheated me;

And she will prove as false to thee,

A thousand ills will oft portend,

That Providence may ne’er intend

The trembling heart to bear.

Or if they come, it oft appears,

Our woes are lighter than our fears,

And gently, gently die away

Chilled by the damps of truth!

Tell him, that earth is not our rest;

Its joys are empty frail at best;

And point beyond the sky.

But gleams of light may reach us here;

And hope the roughest path can cheer:

Then do not bid it fly!

Though hope may promise joys, that still

Unkindly time will ne’er Fulfil;

Or, if they come at all,

We never find them unalloyed,

Hurtful perchance, or soon destroyed,

They vanish or they pall;

Yet hope itself a brightness throws

O’er all our labours and our woes:

A thousand ills will oft portend,

That Providence may ne’er intend

The trembling heart to bear.

Or if they come, it oft appears,

Our woes are lighter than our fears,

And far more bravely borne.

Then let us not enhance our doom;

But e’en in midnight’s blackest gloom

Expect the rising morn.

Because the road is rough and long,

Shall we despise the skylarks’ song,

That cheers the wanderer’s way?

Or trample down, with reckless feet,

The smiling flowerets, bright and sweet

Because they soon decay?

Pass pleasant scenes unnoticed by,

Because the next is bleak and drear;

Or not enjoy a smiling sky,

Because a tempest may be near?

No! While we journey on our way,

We’ll notice every lovely thing;

And ever, as they pass away,

To memory and hope we’ll cling.

And though that awful river flows

Before us, when the journey’s past,

Perchance of all the pilgrim’s woes

Most dreadful shrink not ‘tis the last!

Though icy cold, and dark, and deep;

Beyond it smiles that blessed shore,

Where none shall suffer, none shall weep,

And bliss shall reign forevermore!

None shall suffer, none shall weep... I'm here doing all that I can, and doing my best to love every minute of it. To notice every lovely thing and feel joy in all that I possibly can. It feels wonderful to have reconnected, to know even more surely that I'm in the right place, learning what I need to learn to progress on my own path. It feels good to completely feel like ME again :)

P.S. I didn't really CRY while watching The Sound of Music ok? I wasn't quite that far gone...it's just an expression alright? Good, glad we have that all cleared up :) Have a great week!

Don't let the bed bugs bite...for reals people.

Oy! Bad news everyone, we've been attacked by fleas. And it's way worse than mosquitoes, even though the bites are similar. They are worse only because they are in my bed. Every time I feel like a disgusting person, I try to remind myself (as Ally and the others have helped me) I am a very hygienic person. I don't have fleas, the apartment does. Still, it's a bit harder for me to fall asleep at night with that knowledge. Good thing I can sleep through anything right? Oh man, just talking about this makes me itchy. We'll figure this out though, little itchy bites won't kill me...just maim. Kidding....kidding! Basketball does enough of the maiming for me... :)

That's what I get for playing too hard on an asphalt court eh? I couldn't quite get all of the gravel out of it, so I may just bring that little bit of Romania home with me!

Alright, now that we've got the fleas etc. out of the way, and you still will all give me hugs when I get home, (remember, I don't have fleas) on to other business. First I want to say that I am very grateful for the knowledge that Ryan and all of the other missionaries are safe in Chile. 8.8...wow. My prayers are with them...

Aside from that very sad news, this week has been great. I finally got going with my research!! Thanks to an incredible woman I work with at Section 2 (not sure if I can say her name...) I have been able to get two interviews in this past week. For any of you that don't know, aside from working with the kids (which is wonderful, yet challenging, and oh so much more) I am here doing my own undergraduate research called "The Motivations to Nurse: A Study of Nurses and Nursing Students in Iasi, Romania." It's a professor mentored, university approved research project that stresses me out to the max! Anyway, that was such a relief to finally get to begin interviewing for my research :). Some other highlights of the week? We went to the Philharmonic to the "Seara de Balet si Opera" which was heaven for me! The music was incredible, plus they played excerpts from Offenbach, Carmen, and other classics and it was a lot of fun to get dressed up and go out to that!

I also had my first opportunity to go on splits with the sisters this week! I loved it...though apparently sister missionary apparel likes to give me a hard time. We were laughing so hard!

It really was a great experience for me, and would have only been made better if I had actually been able to freely converse with people. Really, I would love to serve a mission! I still don't know if it's in the cards for me but I'm still 19 so there's time to figure that out I suppose :) Anyway, Sora Kimball and I spent a couple of hours knocking apartments, and I had so much fun. They would open the door and automatically I'd take it away with "Bună seara! Credeţi în Dumnezeu?" Good evening! Do you believe in God?....wait for their answer and then let Sora Kimball take it away while I smile and nod. I've had quite a few people from home ask things like "So, are you fluent yet?" and my answer? No way! But I do alright, I get by. I'm pretty good at pretending that I know exactly what people are saying, and can say enough in response to make them think I know more than I do. Some days I do better than others :) I'm constantly learning, and it's a lot of hard work. I hope to know as much as I can before coming home, and I know that I'm capable of being fluent, time just doesn't permit. So I do the best with the time I can find and try to be happy with that. Wow, that was a tangent though! Basically, I loved playing missionary for a night, and have so much respect for what they spend each and every day doing.

On Saturday we got the chance to go and visit the city of Bacau (ba-co), which is about a two hour train ride away from Iaşi. It was my first time out of the city officially, and my first time on a real train with compartments and everything! The Harry Potter nerd in me was really excited about it, although it was certainly no Hogwarts Express. Similar set up, just...lots older and much less clean. Still fun though! We went with the majority of the youth from the branch here in Iaşi, and went for a combined activity with the youth there! It was a long day, but lots of fun!

Here's a picture of the sign on the front of branch in Bacau, and I love the name of the church. Just try saying all of that five times fast!

Here we have Erika, Radu, Mihai, our new friend Robby (who's here for a couple of weeks, he's come in the past with BYU but is now just returning to visit the kids), and Ally while playing a fun "Get to Know You" game.

Aurelia and I :)
Me, Elder Oberhannsly, Robby, and and others being very involved in a grueling game of balloon volleyball with a string for a net. After the activity we found ourselves with a lot of time to kill before our ten o'clock train ride home, so a few of us took a trip to the nearest grocery store to pick up food for the trip home and found a couple of treasures along the way. It was so foggy outside, the air just shimmered and it felt like I was constantly standing in a cloud. I was wet, but it wasn't raining, crazy! It made for some really great pictures, doesn't this just make you gasp?

And then for the best find ever, they don't mess around with their playgrounds here! I was SO excited, I mean just look!
Yes, that's right it's a mini Farris wheel!! Those would so be in every way illegal and considered unsafe in the states, but it sure was a lot of fun!

We summed up the week with a great time at church on Sunday, although we did have to say goodbye to Sora Jones, who's served her time and is going home. We will definitely miss her! I also learned today the full extent of why I am grateful for my trencher black coat. While hurrying to church in the morning, I had an...accident....

Kasey and I got our ab workout laughing about the fact that my skirt just randomly fell around my ankles! I couldn't believe it! And a Romanian man just happened to be walking past at the precise moment that it dropped and I yelped...awesome. Needless to say we got more than a few strange looks as I quickly remedied the problem. Once we were out of eye sight and could breathe again, Kasey just had to re-enact the moment for the camera and like I said before, I am truly grateful for the long black coat that has served me well :) Thanks for talking me into it Mom! It's been a great week, I can't believe I only have 47 days left!

My Week in Pictures!

Hello again from Iasi! Alright, I've been a bit of slacker lately with the blog, I know. Last week was Valentine's Day, so of course I spent that entire day having a grand ol' time with a fondue dinner here in the apartment. It was so great, everyone gave to each other in their own little way and we had a great day :) One of the many gifts given were long stemmed red roses from Kasey. Here we are being silly and taking pictures.

That was a great day, and as my last post said, I love these girls. Through the good and bad they are such a huge part of the learning and growing that I'm doing here. Since last Sunday, life has continued to be busy with Section 2, schoolwork, friends, and trying hard to make the most of my time here. It's so hard to choose what to share with all of you, I have so much I could say! So I decided to try and make a bit simpler for myself by doing a week of pictures, seeing how I haven't been posting too many of those :)

Monday

We host FHE for the branch every week, and this last week I volunteered to take the reigns and do a Valentine's party! It was actually an extremely stressful day for me, one of those "I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done" kind of days and when it was all over, oh what a relief! I spent the afternoon making sugar cookies and frosting to decorate which in and of itself is stressful...I miss my normal kitchen appliances...and normal tasting ingredients. Part of the adventure I suppose! But I wasn't too happy about the blister on my palm from the little whisk I had to use. That plus trying to come up with translations for all that I wanted to say in a lesson made for a very stressful but rewarding experience.

Tuesday
Tuesday was a great day! There isn't a lot that I can say about the wonderful kids I work with everyday, for confidentiality reasons I can't take pictures or use their names. But they fill my days with so much joy! I've definitely had my discouraging moments, when I feel at a loss, not knowing what I can do for them. They have been given their own set of trials, and it has been so hard for me to come to terms with their hardships. Yet I know that they do so much more for me than I can do for them in my short time here. I give them someone to cuddle, a loving smile, a song. What they give to me is so much more, something that will last far longer than the tickling or the dancing. And the boogers, bites, drool, and throw up too...who cares? These children are incredible, and I now understand why we need to wear scrubs while working :) I consider it a good day when my scrubs are yucky after three hours of work, that means I was able to do my job. We change each morning in this little room at Section 2. I'm so grateful I have the opportunity to work with these kids!

Wednesday
We try to make point of trying new things and getting out of the apartment. Wednesday was a normal day, finished off by an outing for something yummy. I found Romanian ciocolata calda... so think and good! This was our attempt to get a picture of me with a chocolate mustache but I was laughing too hard. Worth a shot though eh?

Thursday

Yet again, another normal day! I thought I'd throw this picture of Erika in, I walked with her (since we're never allowed to be alone) to one of our favorite little shops so that she could get a yummy sandwich...man those things are good! I finally got to talk to my sister Stephanie too, I don't know if I've said this enough, I love my family! At home I certainly don't see them every week, but something about being on the other side of the world has made me miss them more than I ever have, and appreciate every little piece of home I can get.

Friday
What a day!! Everything about this day was wonderful. The kids were all healthy and up (so many of them have been sick lately, which has been hard for me). Then after work I came home to the best surprise ever from Mario...MAIL!!!!

I got a letter from each of my two best friends in South America :)...I pretty much consider it a miracle that the letters even got to me because Shawn definitely didn't spell everything right. That was such a blessing, and the other girls got packages etc. as well. It was pretty much Christmas, we were all so giddy!

The weather here has been incredible, very humid, and rainy. It feels like spring, and feeling the sun on my face puts an extra spring in my step as always! After the letter party with Mario, Christine, Ally and I headed to the basketball courts to enjoy the marvelous weather. It felt so good to be out and active! Only I missed my frisbee...Christine made it pretty obvious that I haven't played b-ball since I was 15. But it was great all the same!

P.S. I definitely live in a big city, which is so strange still. Just picture those scenes in movies where the gangs meet up on the courts, with the cracked asphalt, graffiti, and chain-link fences. No exaggerations, that's where I live! I may miss my mountains, but there's certainly still beauty everywhere, you just have to look a bit harder :)

Saturday
What a great end to a great week! Mihai, our fearless and extremely helpful guide, cultural informant, and most importantly friend, took us out to visit another monastery: Biserica Manastirii Galata. Built in 1582-1584, this 500 year old building took my breath away once again. We didn't get to go inside this time though, so we'll try again another time. I love the peace and quiet, this entire afternoon was wonderful for me. Enjoy the pictures, I tried to capture everything that I could. The walk there, the dogs and their presents left behind, the beautiful old cemetery just outside the walls of the monastery, and the friends I was able to share it with.

Green is coming!!!

Dogs are everywhere in the city...and I love them, so many are just adorable and so lonely. Christine gets upset with me because the dogs can tell that I love them, and they often follow me :)...she doesn't like that too much. With so many dogs there's plenty of...you know...

Iasi in all its glory.

Pink bus!! And a lovely concrete apartment building...

And finally the moment you've all been waiting for...I'm so sorry but these pictures do hardly any justice. Classic Mihai.And inside the courtyard you find...

Needless to say, I was happily exhausted at the end of our trip. While enjoying the peace and beauty of the cemetery, I couldn't help but think...life is so short. Steph got me thinking about it the other night...her children are growing so old! To think I held my little niece Sariah, so tiny as a newborn, and in one week she'll be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Where has the time gone? There are so many people who have led good lives over the generations, all over the world. How grateful I am to know that life doesn't end in a cemetery, with candles and flowers and stone.

I'm grateful for each day that I have to experience new things and grow. I'm already halfway done here in Iasi, wow...once again, how time flies!
'Til next time, vă îubesc, şi eu sper că sunteţi bine!
I love you all, and I hope that you are all well!